Winter sports
by catzlovecheeze
Summary: "Just put on the skates, Slick." Snowman and Slick go ice skating. Snowman knows how to skate; Slick does not. Hilarity ensues. Snowman x Slick.


"This is stupid."

"Shut up and just put them on, Slick."

"How am I supposed to stand up in these?"

"Maybe by not being a baby about it and just doing it?"

Slick glared at the woman next to him, who had already strapped on her skates and was sitting the seawall of the frozen lake, watching with amusement as he struggled with and bitched about his skates. She had her legs dangling over the edge of the seawall, front tip of her skates barely brushing over the ice.

With a final, defiant snarl, he yanked the skate onto his foot, slamming down the buckles and half-crawling, half-scooting to the edge of the seawall.

"Careful, Slick," a musical voice warned lightly. "If you dont have the buckles on right, they'll just come undone again."

"I did 'em right, they're fine." He grumbled, swinging his legs over the seawall and shakily attempting to stand.

"The FUCK!" he growled. "I'm gonna end up breaking my ankles in these." He moved across the ice shakily for a few minutes. Snowman watched from behind him, sitting on the seawall, eyes narrowed in amusement.

Then she stood and, with a push off the seawall, smoothly glided over the ice.

Slick watched in enraged amazement as she moved like she was floating, seething as she slid smoothly through a figure 8, before turning and giving him a smirk.

Bitch.

He tried to move a little faster, hoping to gain balance with speed, like riding a bicycle.

No such luck. He nearly fell on his face, catching himself on his hands, the smooth black ice melting a bit onto his warm, bare palms. He flipped himself over, sitting on the ice, wiping the cold moisture off his hands on his pant legs.

He hadn't noticed she had glided up behind him until he felt her hands under his armpits. It tickled, but he yelped rather than laugh, a moment of surprise that was soon replaced with rage, and he struggled against her as she hauled him to his feet.

"I don't need your help, you massive bi-"

"Shut up, Slick. I'm gonna help you skate, whether you like it or hate it." She slid her hands down to his sides, keeping him balanced, and he hated her and he hated her touching him, but holy shit were her hands warm, and the places her fingers pressed slightly into his sides tingled nicely.

"Now, move your foot like this," She instructed, demonstrating with her own. He complied, and they moved forward a bit.

They did this awhile, Snowman holding both his balance and attention; god he hated her, and she was on his every thought as she helped him skate; how much of a bitch she was and how her hands felt on his sides and those moments when she lightly pressed against his back.

Probably why Snowman smacked him upside the back of the head more than once, telling him to think about his skates rather than her ass.

By the time she finally released his sides and glided away, Slick was much more balanced. Graceful, even; like a swan. A drunken, handicapped swan. He kept tripping over his skates and almost falling on his face; though he could at least move now. Snowman watched him struggle, amused, doing figure 8's while skating backwards - backwards, for christssake, as he tried to stay upright.

He finally got going, finding a rythem and going with it. He picked up speed, realizing too late he didnt know how to turn. Or stop.

He crashed face-first into a snowbank.

He heard her laughter start faint, from across the lake, and grow louder as she skated toward him. He couldn't turn to see her; he was stuck pretty good from a medium-speed impact, and his skates couldn't get much friction with the ice, making it even more difficult to pull himself from the snow.

He heard her right behind him now, snickering at him. Not trying to help him out or nothin', of course. Bitch.

"Wanna give me a hand here?" He snarled, squirming as the burning cold snow melted against him.

"No, you've got one of your own," she snickered.

"Yeah, one. Thanks to you," he growled, finally shoving himself out of the snowbank. "Now I'm covered in snow."

"Not completly; you missed a spot on your back," She said, grabbing his shoulders, spinning him around, and shoving him backwards into the snowbank all in one swift move.

He was stuck good this time; he couldn't lift himself out of the snow, or stand up with his sliding skates. He simply squirmed and flailed his arms, trying unsuccefully to pull himself up, glaring at her as she glided closer, smirking at him.

Maybe he was stuck, but his arms weren't.

He shot an arm out suddenly, and before she could move away, his hand was around her wrist and he was pulling her down towards him.

She landed on top of him in the snowbank, and he wrapped his arms around her back, trapping her in the snowbank with him as he kissed her.

He could feel snow melting against him; the back of his shirt and jeans getting cold and wet, but wherever she touched him was warm and he didn't want to move from this.

It was her that finally moved after a while of sloppy makeouts, reaching back and pulling his arms apart, off her back so she could stand. She pushed away from the snowbank, skating backwards just out his reach, simply staring at him - still stuck - with that damn smirk he hated so much on her face.

"You wanna help me up?" He snapped.

"No, I don't think so."

He stared at her. "You serious?" He growled.

"Yup." She replied. "You're a big boy; you can get yourself out."

"I'm fuckin' stuck. Help me out here, you giant bitch!"

"My, my. Such language. Maybe some time in the snow'll cool down that fiery temper of yours." She smirked, skating away across the lake.

"You BITCH!" Slick screetched after her. Not that it did any good. He watched from the snow as she skated away toward the seawall, sitting and unbuckling her skates. He reached into his pocket with some difficulty, pulling out his cell and dialing Droog, telling him to come get him.

He ended the call, putting the phone back in his pocket before hearing a sharp, though faint, whistle. He looked up and growled angrily. Snowman had her boots back on, holding her skates in one hands and his shoes in the other. She held them up, showing off.

Fuck. He'd have to either walk through the snow to Droog's car in his socks, getting his feet cold and wet, or walk in these skates and risk breaking an ankle.

Snowman shifted her skates to the same hand as his shoes to blow him a kiss before heading off, up the snow-covered trail and away from the lake.

God, he hated her.

Catz: "Love, I'd never hurt you; but I'll grind against your bones until our marrows mix, I will eat you slowly! Ohhh, the horror of our love; never so much blood pulled through my veins." -Ludo, The Horror of Our Love.

I really think that song fits kismesis couples, this one in particular. So yeah. This is blackrom fluff. Pretty rare stuff. Hope you enjoyed it.

That last sentence about the hilarity in the description was meant ironically. I do think this is amusing, but just so we're clear on that: irony. It's too 90's-TV-guide to be anything else.

Fun fact: I wrote this in math class. During free time, of course. Listen while the teacher is talking, kids.

Leave a review!~


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